you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
