I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
