I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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