I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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