Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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