it wasn't lemon gatorade
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
