she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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