She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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