Small penises have feelings too.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
