Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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