In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
