There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
