it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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