i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
