Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
