my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
