Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
