Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
don't judge my taste in strippers
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
