I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
