im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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