hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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