Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
