We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
