come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
