I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
