I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
