This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
