I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
