How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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