He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
