i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
handjob tips. give me some.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
