you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
