i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she told me i tasted like america
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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