We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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