i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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