Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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