dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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