If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
