You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
