for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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