I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
