I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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