that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
