he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
