I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
