he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
