Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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