I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What a dumb baby whore.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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