I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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