I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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