i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
