You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
