The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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