Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
